December 2011
when I finally have sex
some guy: now I know you're a virgin so you probably don't know much about -
me: no I read fanfiction I got this
plastic surgeon: how can i help you
client: well, i was wondering if you could remove this general area
plastic surgeon: you just gestured to your entire face
client: yea so can you do it
Meeting One Direction
Me: Will you sign this?
Them: Sure
Them: Wait,what is that?
Me: A marriage certificate
Them: But.. I..
Me: TOO LATE, YOU SIGNED IT